Diary Entries- Blue Journal

May 2nd, 2014 – Contemplating “Home”

I want to go home. But at this point, I don’t even know where home is.

Whether it’s Colorado Apartments, where I grew up or Santa Barbara right here, in Indonesia, the place that I was born and the place I belong. But I’m not even sure I really belong. People sure don’t treat me like I belong. And now I’m crying and it’s stupid, I know. But I don’t know. I’ve never belonged anywhere really, have I? All my life I’ve moved from here to there and I feel like I don’t have any roots. Or at least, I do have roots, but I’ll never get to experience the growing roots. All I can do is wait for some years and then see what the seeds I’d grown up with have grown into. Of course, I’m using a lot of metaphors here…