And yet here I am, pondering the symbolism of my white kebaya, my graduation dress. The white of its laces represents the light of hope which still kindled within me, only a few weeks prior. Then, email after email came. Bombarding us with their false promises. Turning eyes to trembling glass. Now my kebaya is stuffed deep inside the dark folds of the closet. Its light is unreachable.
I never knew that the closure would happen like this. So suddenly, without the comfort of a prepared heart. Alone in my room, as the sky sheds its tears. Unlike the sky, I cannot cry anymore. Neither was I able to fully comprehend the emotions I felt—they seemed to wash over me like the waves of time that will soon separate us, my dear friends. It will inevitably make each of us less and less relevant to each other as our lives become busier and busier.
Hi, beautiful people! 🙂 Honestly, there are times when I feel like I have no right to write, that my words don’t matter to the universe. That these frail sentences won’t matter to anyone but myself, as a way of letting go of the feelings that pent up inside my heart or as a way to express the things I can’t control or put in order. Yet, I promised someone important that I will write more regularly. So, dear reader, despite the doubt, I will do just that. Starting with… a recap of January!
School has been pulling me in like the tides of the sea that draw in sand–eroding the land ever so slightly until one day there’s no land left. But don’t worry, I won’t drown! Once I told you about the subjects I’m taking, right? Well, I forgot to mention how I changed a lot of things. The subjects I’ll permanently take over these two years are Biology HL, Economics HL, English A Literature HL, ESS (Environmental Systems and Societies), Math SL, and Chinese ab initio. HL means higher level, meaning there are more class hours dedicated for it, hence it’s more rigorous. IB is… demanding. It feels like a never-ending stack of homework or that pile of laundry that you keep putting off. It’s manageable though, don’t worry. And as much as people talk about how little they sleep or how stressed they are, I believe that if you can discipline yourself you’ll do fine…kinda. Hehe.